Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
