Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
