She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So many bounce houses so little time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
