You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
