i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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