gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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