i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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