she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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