I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
