hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
