You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
