He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
