it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
