How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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