ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Never underestimate the power of titties
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