I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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