drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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