Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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