i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
