so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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