I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
