I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
