I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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