I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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