anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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