I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
