my phone needs a breathalizer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
