I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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