Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
