but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
