i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will be naked everywhere
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
