that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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