My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
