well you can't waste a boner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
