He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
