i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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