**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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