he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
