Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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