I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
