butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
