you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
