i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
