The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
