Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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