i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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