I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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