I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
