oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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