it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
