I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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