why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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