when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
