sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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